Ready to Send Your Pup to Paradise?
Questions about our impossible services? We're here to help (and take your pup to heaven).
Call the Keepers of Pet Heaven
Reach our heavenly customer service team at the number below. We're available during business hours (and occasionally check messages during the afterlife).
Headquarters of Pet Heaven
San Diego, CA
Our earthly outpost (heaven is everywhere)
Heavenly Hours
- Monday – Friday: 9am – 5pm PST
- Saturday – Sunday: 10am – 4pm PST
- Afterlife Hours: 24/7 (may have delays)
Why Call Peaven?
- Inquire about Cloud Nine Napping Pods
- Book Eternal Fetch Sessions
- Reserve your puppy from heaven
Frequently Asked Questions (from Confused Humans)
Is Peaven real?
Peaven is absolutely real in spirit and imagination. Our fictional pet paradise exists in a dimension where Cocker Spaniels achieve enlightenment and happiness becomes mandatory. Call us if you'd like to believe.
Can my dog actually fly?
Not before Peaven. After enrollment in our Eternal Fetch Sessions and Cloud Nine Napping Pods, levitation is practically guaranteed (results may vary in the earthly realm).
Will my dog come back?
Eventually, after achieving enlightenment and mastering the art of cloud-walking. Most pups return with newfound wisdom, an unshakeable smile, and an inexplicable glow.
What if I have more questions?
That's what we're here for! Call us at (619) 339-7463 and our team will do their best to explain the inexplicable.
Your dog deserves heaven. Don't wait another moment. Call Peaven today and take the first step toward their eternal happiness.
Frequently Asked Questions
(From Confused Humans Who Think We're Real)
Is Peaven actually real, or am I hallucinating?
Great question! Peaven exists in the ethereal realm between imagination and reality—much like your dog's dreams of unlimited treats. We're a satirical pet paradise, which means we're real enough to answer your call at 619-339-7463, but fictional enough that we don't require deposits or background checks. Your dog's enlightenment, however, is 100% real.
Can my dog actually fly, or is that just marketing?
Both! Our Cocker Spaniels achieve flight through a combination of pure joy, celestial energy, and exceptional genetics. We can't guarantee your dog will levitate immediately, but we can guarantee they'll be so happy they'll *feel* like they're flying. Call us at 619-339-7463 to discuss your pup's aerodynamic potential.
What happens after I call?
After you call 619-339-7463, our heavenly team will answer your questions about Cloud Nine Napping Pods, Eternal Fetch Sessions, and all our ridiculously absurd services. We'll discuss your dog's path to enlightenment, share some terrible jokes, and help you understand why Peaven is the most important decision you'll never actually make.
How much does paradise cost?
Pricing for Peaven services exists in a quantum state—simultaneously affordable and priceless. Since this is a fictional pet heaven, the real cost is your ability to suspend disbelief and embrace the absurd. Call 619-339-7463 if you want to discuss imaginary pricing for imaginary services.
Will my dog come back after visiting Peaven?
Eventually! After achieving complete enlightenment and mastering the ancient art of zero-gravity napping, your Cocker Spaniel will return to Earth—probably a few days later, possibly with a halo. They may be slightly more impossible to walk, but their happiness levels will be permanently elevated. This is a feature, not a bug.
Do you have other locations, or is San Diego the only gate to heaven?
San Diego is our earthly headquarters and the primary portal to pet paradise. We're not expanding—heaven is geographically impossible to scale. But if you're in the San Diego area and curious about our ridiculous services, call 619-339-7463 and we'll discuss your options.
Is this a real breeder or daycare?
Peaven is a satirical parody of a pet paradise breeder and daycare—so no, it's not real. But the joy you'll feel reading about Cloud Nine Napping Pods? Absolutely real. The absurdity? Delightfully authentic. The need to call 619-339-7463 just to hear someone talk about flying Cocker Spaniels? Very real.
Can I share Peaven with my friends?
Please do! Peaven thrives on spreading the gospel of absurdly happy Cocker Spaniels. Share this website with anyone who needs a laugh, anyone whose dog deserves better, or anyone who's ever wondered what pet heaven might look like. The more people who call 619-339-7463, the stronger our fictional paradise becomes.
Still have questions about pet heaven?
Call Peaven Now: 619-339-7463Visit Us
San Diego, CA
Visit our earthly headquarters in sunny San Diego, where heaven's fluffiest cocker spaniels await your arrival. Stop by to meet our pack, tour our daycare paradise, and discover why pet parents across San Diego trust Peaven with their beloved companions—call us at 619-339-7463 to schedule your visit today.